Slo-Mo

I thought I was over it. Yeah, I know I am over it, years ago. So... why did she jump out?

I met someone while on my way for a swim today. Or rather, I brushed past someone today. A really quick one, but a really close one. A pity she was looking the other way. A pity I wasn't looking the other way. And...

I saw her. It could be her or someone that closely resembles her. You know how people say, 'There's always another person in another part of the world which would resemble you.' So that may probably be true. I'm not so sure, you know... At that moment, my eyes tried to take in as much information as possible before I only saw her back view. I could have taken a few steps back and caught up with her (if it really is her to begin with, prolly not huh...) but I didn't... didn't want to chase after this illusion. For what?

I couldn't be bothered.

But I'm sure something jogged in my memory. In a hidden archive somewhere in my mind. An archive which I've reckon I probably would never need to uncover again. A little profile about someone which a little part of me still holds dear, I guess. Simply 'cos I don't have the courage to kill him off, and rip that profile to shreds.

No matter how much one tries to forget, a memory always nestles itself somewhere and leaps out again at any opportune time. Well, she leapt out today. Hm, and I swam it off vigorously today too. It was surprising how the little things like this are able to bring out the bigger things. H3ll, there wasn't anything worthwhile to begin with or remember, then again... I feel like a complete idiot.

My God, "What is wrong with me then?" Is it even right, or should I say, normal, for someone to hold onto something that isn't there or rather, had not been there, at all?! It irks me to think that I may still have a soft spot for... and it scares me as well. Why must I act in this way?

And I thought guys were supposed to be tougher, 'take and let go' and the sort of stuff. No problemo, no worries and that sort of thing. *clenches fist* Yet, with such a mere mention of simple things, it sometimes bring about a whole new detested face of my hart that I've chosen to ignore all these years.

(Don't have the courage to kill that little 'me' off, maybe 'cos if I do that, I'll probably lose that bit of my 'feeling' self that has been left... and I may end up being some 'unfeeling' bAstard...)

Experienced a slo-mo today, when everything in the past happened way too fast. Too fast for me.