A Time-worn Shield

He was given a shield in the past. It was a gift of parting; a gift of rejection. Nonetheless, it was a gift for him. He didn't know what to do with such a gift and simply hung it at the hinges of his hart. That shield eventually grew dusty and a little rusty. But it had its use.. it kept people from knocking on the door or the owner from taking a step out of the door..

How long has it been..

It really has been a while since he's felt this.. this pulsing constant ache in my hart. It's been so long that this has almost become an unfamiliar feeling. Well.. almost. It took one to make a dent in the shield. He suppose even shields do have their expiry date and it's about time it has served its use. Now, it takes another to knock on the door.

Should he answer the door? Is it even worth answering..?

Things are getting so confusing. I have my issues, of this I am sure. I don't know. A part of me died and came back with a vengeance. It became a constant reminder of my short-comings. A constant reminder that prevents myself from finding something worthwhile inside me. Possibly something that would allow another person to love me for who I am.

Does everyone possess something likable, lovable in them.. I don't even feel like making that a question..

I am floating about in this sea of confusion. I am being pushed around like the little me who I am in my own great ocean of thought. Sometimes, how I long for someone to throw me a life buoy. I know all my close friends would always have a spare buoy for me and I am thankful for that. At least, I can take a short little break.. so that someday, I may be able to find my little island to call it my safe haven.

Does history really have a habit of repeating itself..? How does one even know without attempting it in the present?

I need time to sort things out. And then again, I know it isn't just time that will be enough. I am who I am.

I hate these pulsing sensations in my hart. I love these pulsing sensations in my hart.

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul...