Yup, I'm halfway through my last semester and the bubble surrounding my reality is slowly shrinking. As they say, it is time to face the music, or rather, face the next phase of my life. This would be another 40 or so years of working life to go. The question that's been bogging down my mind - where would I be next?

I would love to pursue the career of teaching English or enter the magazine/media industry. I guess what I would really want to accomplish is to see the world and broaden my horizons before returning to Singapore. Entering this next phase definitely takes alot of effort and planning..

Crossroads, crossroads, crossroads..

Another cliche post about how the blog author hasn't been back for so long, with so much to share and so much to talk about. Allow me a moment..

I was contemplating whether to delete this blog and start afresh. The most recent post glared at me like the headlights of an oncoming truck. Should I face it head-on.. or shun away? My fight-flight instinct coursed rapidly through my mind, bringing with it memorable pasts. I ended my blogging days on that post because I thought better days were paved in front of me. Alas, the road had a dead end.. and I probably didn't have the courage to continue on it.

The truck came and I stood my ground. I've grown a little; I've acquired a little more insight into the contradictions of Life. My chronicles are there for me to keep and appreciate, be it for better or worse. They are also the moulding hands as I sit on the sculptor's table.

Keep in touch. Be seein' ya..

Capturing beauty in such chic
Attractive amidst every area
Now I cherish her herein
Days with her I’ll spend
In this path she walks with I
Clovers line our way without logic

Endearing is her smile I see.

23rd April is the day it all started..

Emotions churned.

Emotions requited.

Unhappiness arose.

Happiness covered it all up.

Sacrifices given.

Sacrifices made worth it.

A hand to hold.

A warm feeling in the hart to cherish.

Someone to walk with.

Someone to live with.

Problems started.

Problems solved with another someone.

A special someone.

To love.

Jux wanna make a wish upon this girl..

The day to end it all will never start..

I've found the pretty face

I've found someone special to hold

I'm sure my love didn't go to waste

I've found you and your beautiful soul.

He was given a shield in the past. It was a gift of parting; a gift of rejection. Nonetheless, it was a gift for him. He didn't know what to do with such a gift and simply hung it at the hinges of his hart. That shield eventually grew dusty and a little rusty. But it had its use.. it kept people from knocking on the door or the owner from taking a step out of the door..

How long has it been..

It really has been a while since he's felt this.. this pulsing constant ache in my hart. It's been so long that this has almost become an unfamiliar feeling. Well.. almost. It took one to make a dent in the shield. He suppose even shields do have their expiry date and it's about time it has served its use. Now, it takes another to knock on the door.

Should he answer the door? Is it even worth answering..?

Things are getting so confusing. I have my issues, of this I am sure. I don't know. A part of me died and came back with a vengeance. It became a constant reminder of my short-comings. A constant reminder that prevents myself from finding something worthwhile inside me. Possibly something that would allow another person to love me for who I am.

Does everyone possess something likable, lovable in them.. I don't even feel like making that a question..

I am floating about in this sea of confusion. I am being pushed around like the little me who I am in my own great ocean of thought. Sometimes, how I long for someone to throw me a life buoy. I know all my close friends would always have a spare buoy for me and I am thankful for that. At least, I can take a short little break.. so that someday, I may be able to find my little island to call it my safe haven.

Does history really have a habit of repeating itself..? How does one even know without attempting it in the present?

I need time to sort things out. And then again, I know it isn't just time that will be enough. I am who I am.

I hate these pulsing sensations in my hart. I love these pulsing sensations in my hart.

I don't want another pretty face

I don't want just anyone to hold

I don't want my love to go to waste

I want you and your beautiful soul...

Hm, my grandfather passed away on Friday morning.. Jux received this piece of news on a sunny Sunday morning. Sighx.. wat a freakin start to a year this has been.. Still remember telling him that I'll be back to see him when I get back in June and he's gotta wait for me.. Maybe I should have gone back during the Feb break.. no use crying over split tears..

Detest myself for not feeling much grief over this event.. Been having lotsa mixed feelings these few days..

Goodbye..

I feel like possessing the power of invisiblity.. so that, at least..

..sometimes, I know exactly when I am invisible..

Hm, actually, I didn't really wanna be writing this post but sometimes, things happen which makes the {in}visible pretty visible.. I don't know if this is intentional but I hope it is {un}intentional but I don't bear any grudges at all, just feels.. a little sadx. If it's human nature, then so be it, human nature ain't perfect anyway.

If I can only be your sword in battle, then I would gladly rest in your grip. If I can only be your rifle in war, then I would gladly reside behind your trigger finger. But note this..

Swords do get blunt without sharpening and rifles do fail to function without cleaning.

Thank you{s} and Please{s} are free in this world. They don't come at a price which makes them some of best things to take advantage of in Life. I may sound superficial in this but I am no saint and jux.. only human. I'm not someone who takes note of all these cos' it's too troublesome for me to be calculative over such matters, for me, it's easier if I can simply help. I hope your definition of being friends is similar to mine.. well, I hope.

Friends 'make use' of each other...? I don't think so...

Friends stab in the front...? I agree..
Friends 'help' each other...? I agree..